Day 30: Love from a Prostitute

4 14

4 14 The love of God is utterly insane. It’s… just… crazy. How could God love me when I constantly slap Him in the face with my sin amidst all the blessings He's lavished on me? "Forgive them, for they know not what they do," He said (Luke 23:34) after they had spat on Him, whipped Him, and were nailing Him on a cross. He pleads with the Father even today on my behalf (Hebrews 7:25, 1 John 2:1). As the God that came down to be a man washed His disciples’ feet, with Peter initially refusing as this was the job of a lowly servant, Jesus said, “13"You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him (John 13).” Could we love people with such humility? As I scooped the poop out of the back of one family’s yard my second day of homelessness, the joy of the Lord felt SO good as I praised God amidst the scooping! The call to depend on Christ’s love is a call for the finite to depend on the infinite, the dust of the earth to overflow with the living water of Christ! How could life be better!

A month into homelessness, there was yet another night where there were too many homeless folks for the shelter to take everyone. Some folks would simply be “lottoed out.” Since the first night I was homeless, I felt that I should never stay in a shelter if there was not room for everyone. If God died for me, to do something as small as this is nothing. The greater the sacrifice He desires of me, the greater the privilege in His service, even if it will never compare to the infinite love demonstrated by His blood. I was one of the first 2 or 3 to be called into the shelter of the 40-50 homeless folks outside, and volunteered to be “meal only,” receiving dinner alone prior to leaving. After a dinner where some kids played a number of violin pieces for homeless folks, a unique little treat for us that night, I left. As I left, I saw my homeless buddy. Let’s call him Bob, as he made it clear from the get-go that he didn’t want folks to know about him taking me where he was about to take me. While he’s not on Facebook, I’d like to honor his request. Bob’s about a head shorter than me, maybe 50, white, and feisty. He had just gotten angry at the guys in charge of the shelter for not letting him in, threatening to get the whole PADS (Public Action to Dispense Shelter) program shut down. He had come in late after work with a spot reserved, but he had come in after drinking. He wasn’t clearly drunk to me, but they must have smelled alcohol on his breath or something. When he saw me leaving, his anger mostly dissipated, his face brightened up, and he asked me where I was going to go. When I said that I was going to probably sleep outside somewhere, he asked me to join him, saying that he had a lady friend that loved him and should let us stay with her and her kids. We went to a 7-11 immediately, passing another guy that looked passed out in the grass maybe 50 yards from the shelter and would probably remain in that spot all night. Bob got a beer and offered me whatever I’d like. He had money in his pocket. Like I said, he had a job. I filled the bottle I was carrying with tap water and was good to go. We went to a park and chilled a bit, passed by his beer stash, and went to another gas station where he showed me his truck in the back and where he called a cab. He wouldn’t let me pay for a thing, and I didn’t have much cash anyways. I might have had 5$, if that. If you’ve forgotten, the Lord told me to ditch my wallet and bag the second day I was homeless. We took the cab to the nearest train station, checked the train schedule, and went to a bar. He got a beer; I offered to buy him a 2$ cheeseburger on sale for the night that I could afford. He hadn’t had dinner yet. He said that he never bought food, as with public help etc., there was never any need. He didn’t want me to buy him the burger. We hopped on a train when the time came, Bob providing the tickets, hopped on another, and walked a few miles on the rocks by the train tracks with me towards our destination. It was late by now, maybe 10, 10:30. We got off the rocks along the tracks, and my buddy started hitch hiking as we walked. Of course, no one picked 2 white homeless guys up at 10:30 at night. It was fun to watch him try though!

During the night, and the next morning, Bob and I talked. The Lord appeared to be working in his heart without the need for me to talk much at all. Often times in my life, I’ve prayed that the Lord would speak through me. These days, I’ve begun to realize the futility that praying primarily for this can bring. Moses spoke the word of the Lord to Pharaoh, but Pharaoh’s heart was hardened. Even if I were the angel Gabriel himself, speaking to a man of God, a priest like Zachariah (Luke 1:8-20, especially 18-20) without the grace of God active in a man’s heart, words alone can mean absolutely nothing. While grace is offered to folks, including myself, all the time, I too seldom receive it. Bob asked me, “Do you think I can change?” “I know it,” I replied. With the aid of our God, any man can change, no matter the unreconciliation with family, no matter the addiction, no matter the pain received or inflicted, no matter the physical or spiritual chains that hold one from Life.

We were in a black neighborhood by now. Again, Bob’s white and about a head shorter than me. Also remember, however, that the Lord was with us, and in His presence, walking in His light as we follow His leading, we have nothing to fear, even in the shadow of death (Psalm 23). We knocked on a door to the lady he knew employed in prostitution, and she wasn’t home. The kids appeared to be there, but didn’t answer. It was probably a good policy for them in this neighborhood at this hour. We asked some folks around us where she might be, and went to her street corner. She wasn’t there, but another lady prostituting herself was. We'll call her Sarah. The man that appeared to be her pimp was around too. That night, I only saw one white guy, as he was putting his shirt back on as he crossed the street. I saw him as I was waiting outside the convenience store where Sarah was as Bob got a few more beers in the store, including 1 or 2 for Sarah. Bob told Sarah a bit about me, and Sarah asked me to pray for her. I was ushered into my own room with my own bed soon after entering the house. Bob and Sarah talked and smoked awhile before Bob went to sleep on the couch. Sarah was up all night. Because of this, I suspect she’s addicted to crack. It ravages those who fall prey to it. Sarah looked physically depleted. She was a little girl once; I wonder what she looked like then. Lord, You can save her. You can set her free from her chains. Please, pray for her.

During my 8 weeks being homeless in Chicagoland, the only bed that I slept in within a home was through the Lord’s provision through Sarah. While a number of folks offered to let me stay at their place, these are all folks that fall into at least one of two criteria that I established early on by the Lord's grace would not be homes that I stayed in. These categories are 1: those that know I went to Wheaton and know about Wheaton & 2: Friends I had prior to homelessness, or friends of friends (any connection whatsoever) prior to homelessness. Another un-churched man who cussed like a sailor and had alcohol running through his veins from vodka was the only other person who did not fit either criteria but said that I could stay at his place sometime, although we never happened to see each other again after he took me into his home one morning and let me shower, offered me food and clothes, etc. This has not been too surprising, as I’ve seen the same with Brian Millard, where the only 2 homes that we visited on our journeys who took in strays living there were poor un-churched folks exhibiting love, one in the projects and one in a trailer. I’ve heard of other Christians doing this, including former or current pastors John Gulley, John Henderson, and Dave Libby, but it’s rare to see. Among these three, I experienced the love that Dave Libby freely demonstrated in taking me into his home, already filled with 6 kids, freely for over a school year, without requirement of any form of compensation. When I asked for chores, he wouldn’t even give me any, saying that his kids needed to learn responsibility. He and the other two have taken in those who haven't been given nearly the grace that I have been given, including some among the homeless population. If Christian folks and otherwise without knowledge of me besides what they see in my life won’t take me in, how can other homeless folks, strung out on crack, kleptomaniacs, depressed, angry, extremely “needy”, requiring much time, etc. expect to have any hope for anything beyond token efforts to satisfy meager consciences? How can they have hope for abundant Life? If Christians don’t see them as souls, and we as receivers of a crazy amount of love and grace entirely undeservedly, how can we have abundant Life?

Many of the folks that I encountered while homeless, whether rich or poor, Christian or not, do not experience abundant Life. They might be able to talk about it in theory if Christian, but the trappings of this world and the love for this life (John 12:23-50) keep it from being an effectual reality. They do not experience abundant love from the only Source that can give it. I spoke to one homeless man at a shelter who I had seen reading his Bible a number of times, and when he spoke to me at length for the first time, he started quizzing me on biblical knowledge. After answering all of his little questions sufficiently, I inquired about his family. I did not do so aggressively, yet the unreconciliation that stripped him from Life made him leave the table and pitch the rest of his dinner, and made him downright antagonistic towards me the next time I made an attempt at sitting down with him. You should have seen his reaction the next time I sat down. A scene was made as he began threatening to call the police if I ever spoke to him again. I spoke to another man who volunteered once a month at PADS, and when I inquired about what the Lord was teaching him, he said that He was teaching him about how to be kinder to the less fortunate through PADS, which he had been volunteering for once a month for maybe 25 years. Upon further inquiry it became abundantly clear that He was receiving no Life giving words from the Lord, but wanted to have a little answer that sounded good, so gave me one. He was going through the motions of life, checking off his good deed, like so many souls desperate for more but who are even more desperate to hold onto the life that the prince of this world (John 12:31) can give. I spoke to folks who said that they studied the Word of God, but never wanted to study it with me when I asked, as they had done their study for the day. When it’s a check mark that fulfills an obligation, not Life giving, nor empowered by the Spirit, I wouldn’t want to study it any more than I need to either. Most of my life, I haven’t studied the Word dependant on Christ’s aid, and it’s been a dreary obligation for me as well. Still today, I struggle, as so often my pride tells me that I can study it on my own, as I seek knowledge instead of obedience, utilizing my relative stupidity to interpret meaning instead of relying on the divine omniscience of the Holy Spirit. My sin keeps me from a more abundant Life, as it does all men.

Sure there could be enough teaching on offering our homes to the homeless and enough examples where Christians might be far more likely than they currently are to do it, but the problems in the church that create this trend are much greater than this issue alone. While the fact that few Christians are willing to take in strays has many factors contributing to it, the lack of the love of Christ flowing through people is the primary issue, I truly believe. One countercultural factor within Agape love is that crazy biblical command, “but in humility consider others better than yourselves (Phillipians 2:3).” A directly contributing issue is that people’s relationship with the Lord is lacking, so hearing the voice of the Lord where you know that it’s the Lord and not just you is a largely intangible reality. Seldom is it a tangible reality for me, although it’s only been the last few years where it’s ever been tangible as the Lord’s called me to more time in replenishment through prayer, praise, the Word, etc. Another issue is that in order to satisfy Christians’ meager consciences, they can put up a front of the appearance of love via manufactured good works. In their minds and in the minds of others, they’re doing their duty. In a nation of materialism and demand for justice when we’ve all been given mercy, verses like “whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either,” in Luke 6:29 appear crazy as well. Among entitled feelings, entitlement to our work ethic is taken for granted too often, where we think that we deserve what we work for, forgetting our place of birth, intelligence, life circumstance that created our work ethic itself, etc. I could have been born a slave, in an Indian slum, with an IQ of 50, and been the laziest man on the planet. Instead we’re to look at Matthew 10:8, where it is our privilege to give freely after we’ve received freely. It’s by the grace of God alone that I’ve been tremendously blessed. As long as the Lord’s service is seen as a drain done out of obligation, and not as a privilege, love and free giving will be difficult to manufacture. The Lord could call rocks to serve Him, legions of angels, etc., yet he calls broken vessels, you and me! That’s a privilege! To serve Him for a moment, to pray with Him for a moment, to read His Word for a moment, are all a privilege we could never deserve! Doing such things are apart of abundant Life (John 10:10)! Being unable to dwell in His presence, nor serve Him, but be a slave to sin and futility instead is death (Romans 6-8, Ecclesiastes 2)! It is only by His grace in freedom from the chains of sin that we can drink deeply of the living water that only He can give (John 7:38-39, 1 Corinthians 15:10), when all the world around us seeks to drink primarily of iniquity and frivolity that don’t satisfy (Ecclesiastes 2).

Much of the love that I’ve demonstrated in life, and that I see abundantly clearly in the life of the Church, is not love. Instead, the idea of “love” is demonstrated through token efforts to satisfy meager consciences, rather than true sacrifice rooted out of a wellspring of Christ's love flowing through people. Lord, please humble us to be Your vessels, seeking to become less that You might become greater (John 3:30). The notions of love that we can manufacture on our own are simply inadequate (Psalm 127:1). Apart from our Lord, we can do nothing (John 15:15). Apart from Him, we are wicked (Romans 7). May we seek to know Jesus Christ and Him crucified (1 Corinthians 2:2), that visible picture of love on earth that has never been replicated nor will ever be. May we shy away from nothing You call us to, even death itself, remembering Jesus’ refusal to depart from the Lord’s will when confronted with death itself. In John 12, He said, “25The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me. 27"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. 28Father, glorify your name!" May we remember that the call of the Lord to follow Him is the call to Life (John 10:10)! It’s a privilege to be with Him for a moment, to serve Him for a moment, to be a little piece in the orchestration of His providence when all we deserve is a life of fleeting meaninglessness. The One that could call legions of angels to do His bidding (Matthew 26:53-54), or simply breathe His bidding into reality, calls broken vessels to serve Him, and it’s such a privilege! The call to love the One who loved us first is crazy! We could serve Him out of His crazy love for us, serve Him because we were born for it and will find no better fulfillment, serve Him as we recognize the privilege of doing so that we could never deserve, or serve Him for all kinds of other reasons, but looking to the cross and looking to His love is unbelievable! He doesn’t even call us to love Him and serve Him in our strength either, but in His!!!

The only time while homeless where I was ever invited to stay in a home by someone who wasn't connected with any of my friends prior to homelessness and who didn't know that I was a student at Wheaton College (I wouldn't have been "homeless" if I had not made provisions against going into homes where there were prior connections or a trust factor of Wheaton already built up. While I encountered many Christians in my time of homelessness who did not fall under these categories, it was a prostitute who took me in).

Led by my homeless friend to the prostitute's home

The Prostitution of the Church

Yesterday, I wept in a church as I considered its pitiful state: that of an intricately dressed prostitute. I saw the beautifully ornate high walls and columns, the painted ceilings and gold polish, which contained beautifully broken souls, shuffling in and out to fulfill a little obligatory task.
No life.


Jeremiah 3 “”… But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers- would you now return to me?” declares the Lord. “Look up to the barren heights and see. Is there any place where you have not been ravished? By the roadside you sat waiting for lovers… Therefore the showers have been withheld, and no spring rains have fallen. Yet you have the brazen look of a prostitute; you refuse to blush with shame. Have you not just called to me: “My Father, my friend from my youth, will you always be angry? Will your wrath continue forever?” This is how you talk, but you do all the evil you can.””

I considered the rampant pride that must be cultivated there, where one man's job was to hold up a massive book for the priest, dressed in white and gold, to read. I considered Isaiah 1:10-17, “…The multitude of your sacrifices, what are they to Me?… I cannot bear your evil assemblies…even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood… Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.” 23 “Your rulers are rebels, companions of thieves; they all love bribes and chase after gifts. They do not defend the cause of the fatherless; the widow’s case does not come before them.” and 2:10-12. “…The Lord almighty has a day in store for all the proud and lofty, for all that is exalted (and they will be humbled).

So contrary to the idealistic (by comparison) church found in the time immediately following Jesus death... legitimizing pride and extravagance with a few verses of the New Testament while ignoring the majority, where the church joyfully gives generously as the love of Christ flows through them, empowered by the Spirit, laying what they have at the apostles' feet to be distributed amongst each other wherever there is need, and given to the poor, orphaned, and widowed (Acts 4).

Last night, and this morning, I was greatly encouraged as I met Nina and Ashley, two beautiful souls that God loves involved in prostitution. It was also a blessing to chill with a number of gay folks. The church at large has responded to these people horribly. As I write, there's even been a program on the news about reactions to homophobia. One of the guys that I was chilling with during a large portion of the day has moved into the gay community to be a beacon of Christ's love, yet has been treated terribly by a church or two.

On the streets, what discouraged me the most was the pride of those who felt that they had accumulated much knowledge (Isaiah 2:10-12). They have so much death in them. None of these folks were gay. They were all straight, but were the folks that may have grown up in church, have done much research, and have been puffed up by their notions of knowledge & intelligence. Some of the gay folks I chilled with had studied as well, but the ones I chilled with at least didn't have nearly the pride in their hearts as some of the straight guys I talked with who were breathing pride. Ever talk to someone where the convo's 90% them talking and 10% you speaking, where when you try to speak they still try to interrupt you? I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 8:1 ...""We all possess knowledge." But knowledge puffs up while love builds up."

I am certainly not exempt from these tendencies. My pride hinders my ability to serve Christ more than anything. My hypocrisy and pretense as I go about like a prostitute forsaking the Lord is highly prevalent as well. The past 24 hours were simply overwhelming though in these tangible expressions. As those in Christ, we must remember to always examine ourselves, for it is far easier to point out those inadequacies in others than it is to critique and combat the sin in our own lives.

Luke 6:42 How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Please pray for me, the Church, Angel, Nina, Monica, and any church leaders or others you know struggling with pride.

If you would like to read more, feel free to click below to the right, where it says "older posts."

Sexual Harrassment and a Request for me to Prostitute Myself Amidst Homelessness

Originally posted Oct 2, 2010

After every time of exaltation, we are brought down with a sudden rush into things as they really are, where it is neither beautiful, poetic, nor thrilling. The height of the mountaintop is measured by the dismal drudgery of the valley, but it is in the valley that we have to live for the glory of God. My Utmost for His Highest - Oct 2nd devotion

Thursday night, I shared with some folks including Ralph Walker around a fire about some moments in my homeless experience months ago where I experienced fear, grasping at trust in the Lord's protection. I shared about my first night in Aurora detailed in the note "I AM HOMELESS: Day 14 - 2 Weeks in. After dark" If you don't remember, I got into the 2nd biggest city in IL for the first time, in a large, unfamiliar shelter where no beds were left. The guy I tried sleeping next to at a table warned me that there were "sharks" everywhere. He told me, “You’re the new bait with long hair, and the niggers will fuckin prey on you. ““Tomorrow, I’m not your friend.”

I also shared briefly about getting in late to the "Satan House" in Toronto. In my determination to stay at the Seaton House, it happened to include various factors that made it physically perfect for me including its location and its late curfew. When I was told that I should go anywhere BUT the Seaton House, as it was reportedly the worst homeless shelter in Toronto and the biggest in Canada, I knew that I had to go! As I signed in there, I saw someone else who had just had their locked locker ransacked and was reporting this. The man signing me in told me that when I slept, instead of keeping things in my pockets, I should keep them in my crotch. I noticed others tying things above their beds for folks on top bunks, and followed suit. I also noticed the showers, Many if not all of the shower curtains had cuts in them so that those showering could keep watch of their belongings while showering.

One night, I walked alone on a street later than I liked to get back to the "Satan House", around 11:30 PM. People had been robbed at knifepoint on the same street in broad daylight earlier that day. I walked through a little crowd that I suspected included drug dealers and prostitutes, was flanked by men who came across the street as I walked through the crowd, and the Lord protected me, untouched.

What I failed to share with the guys around the fire occurred just this past Saturday, that's a bit more painful and humiliating to share about. It may also receive more condemnation, as people who have little tangible comprehension of the Spirit's leading may consider it complete stupidity to be in the situations that I come into when I have the option of avoiding them entirely. After spending some wonderful time with homeless folks and those with Chicago's Beloved like Pat Hecker, I left with a Catholic brother by the name of Paul Bucklaw for the mission where he stays. The Lord's called Paul to minister amongst the homeless for far longer than I. It's a blessing to know him, and His dedication to our Lord in this regard is encouraging in a nation where his ministry faces much condemnation and criticism by those that knew him prior to becoming homeless, who may have even respected him prior to purposely becoming low for Christ and for the least of these.

Paul graciously gave me the ticket on the L to get to Pilsen, and we walked to the shelter. There I signed in, and was directed to a place near the bunk beds and cots where there was enough light to read the Word prior to going to sleep. While I was in the Word, a large black man with a blonde wig and homosexual tendencies approached me. He began talking with me for maybe 5 or 10 minutes, then left. After my private time in the Word, I was instructed that I was required to take a shower. A man on staff unlocked the showers for me, and I locked the door behind me as he left. Soon after, I heard a knock. There being multiple showers within the room, naturally I opened it. It was the same large black man that had approached me before. I am thankful to God that I hadn't taken my clothes off yet save possibly my coat. He waited in there, speaking with me, waiting for me to begin taking my clothes off. While there were curtains, they only separated the showers. There was no curtain on the front of the showers. I did not take any more clothes off, and it was 5 or 10 minutes before another black man walked in, ready to take a shower. The one with homosexual tendencies left almost immediately, and I was thankful to God for His provision. The new guy told me how, last night, he had been in the mission for the first time, and someone had kept looking through the door at him while he took a shower. He thought that it was a staff person, but found out that it was the man who had just left, and had gotten angry with him when he found out. The two of us took showers, and were not bothered. I went to bed from there, on the top bunk, but within minutes, heard another man climb into the bed immediately beside me. After a few seconds, I had a feeling that I smelt the same scent that I had smelled prior, the large homosexual with the blonde wig. I looked over, and maybe 2 feet from me was the wig. After looking over for a second, he looked back. I tried to go to sleep, but could not. I believe that he waited til 11 PM, when there is no longer admittance to the mission, prior to taking the available bed next to me. After maybe 10 minutes, I felt something in my hair. I got up in bed, and saw him pulling his hand back towards his bed. I reversed where my head was, and scrunched up in my sleeping bag to be a few feet away from his bed. I wasn't bothered again, besides a bit by the bed bugs I saw crawling on my bed the next morning.

This occasion also reminds me of another experience in homelessness, in which a man started making a weird motion out his window as he approached me with his car as I was walking along the street in the opposing direction. A white man of maybe 55, he asked me if I wanted to go and jack off with him. He said, "I'll pay you money." He saw my ragged appearance. I didn't have much money. What if I had been in debt, been a single mother with children, and was addicted to crack? I can see to some degree how people come to prostitute themselves. There would already be so much humiliation and despair in my life if I was such a lady prior to coming to that point of simply saying, "yes, I want money, I need money, and will play your game to get some." In a society where forces of darkness already use money to enslave most people to be a part of the machine of the capitalist economy, it does not seem so unnatural. Whatever it takes. What if I didn't know God, and didn't trust in His provision for money, disbelieving passages like Matthew 6:26? Most Christians don't effectually believe it anyways, even if they say they do in theory. It's only by the grace of God that I can believe it for a moment, as I've seen time and time again that it's true. I know a homeless chain-smoking alcoholic named Bob who's had maybe 3 heart attacks, yet still gives blood plasma for money, simply lying on the form about not having any heart troubles.

I am reminded as I reflect on my experience Saturday night how important it is to know the voice of the Lord, to know that where you are is precisely and definitively where He wants you to be. Otherwise one could find himself in a dangerous situation entirely unnecessarily. Please pray that the Lord would break my pride more and more, and that I would realize that my own notions of logic are relative stupidity in comparison to the wisdom of our omniscient Creator. Please pray that I would submit before Him, including submitting before the call to hours of replenishment daily, what many might consider lazy or monastic, yet I feel is vital for my life to be anything more than a single drop in an ocean of billions of people amidst a single grain of sand in a vast desert of time. He must become greater; I must become less (John 3:30). The calls in Scripture to legit replenishment abound, and "obedience is better than sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22)." If I serve the Lord with my ministry, with the Lord merely adding a little spice to the equation, instead of allowing Him to show me how He wants me to be apart of His ministry in redeeming this world, what I'm apart of will be of little relative consequence. Please pray that I would see the truth of my words, for I keep yapping about them without them being an effectually lived reality.

I am also reminded that no matter the trials I face, there is no better place to be in life than exactly where the Lord wants me to be. Please pray that I would trust in and live this reality more, even when it hurts for a time in the valley.

I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His body, which is the church . . . —Colossians 1:24We take our own spiritual consecration and try to make it into a call of God, but when we get right with Him He brushes all this aside. Then He gives us a tremendous, riveting pain to fasten our attention on something that we never even dreamed could be His call for us. And for one radiant, flashing moment we see His purpose, and we say, “Here am I! Send me” (Isaiah 6:8)... we must never try to choose the place of our own martyrdom...To be a holy person means that the elements of our natural life experience the very presence of God as they are providentially broken in His service. We have to be placed into God and brought into agreement with Him before we can be broken bread in His hands. My Utmost for His Highest - Sep 30 devotion

http://utmost.org/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LA_uwWPE6lQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1ytWr7pEB0 "I will run the race set before me, I will seek Your face as the prize of my life...The Earth sleeps and slumbers, lullabied by the sounds of peace and safety... I will run!"