4 14 The love of God is utterly insane. It’s… just… crazy. How could God love me when I constantly slap Him in the face with my sin amidst all the blessings He's lavished on me? "Forgive them, for they know not what they do," He said (Luke 23:34) after they had spat on Him, whipped Him, and were nailing Him on a cross. He pleads with the Father even today on my behalf (Hebrews 7:25, 1 John 2:1). As the God that came down to be a man washed His disciples’ feet, with Peter initially refusing as this was the job of a lowly servant, Jesus said, “13"You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him (John 13).” Could we love people with such humility? As I scooped the poop out of the back of one family’s yard my second day of homelessness, the joy of the Lord felt SO good as I praised God amidst the scooping! The call to depend on Christ’s love is a call for the finite to depend on the infinite, the dust of the earth to overflow with the living water of Christ! How could life be better!
A month into homelessness, there was yet another night where there were too many homeless folks for the shelter to take everyone. Some folks would simply be “lottoed out.” Since the first night I was homeless, I felt that I should never stay in a shelter if there was not room for everyone. If God died for me, to do something as small as this is nothing. The greater the sacrifice He desires of me, the greater the privilege in His service, even if it will never compare to the infinite love demonstrated by His blood. I was one of the first 2 or 3 to be called into the shelter of the 40-50 homeless folks outside, and volunteered to be “meal only,” receiving dinner alone prior to leaving. After a dinner where some kids played a number of violin pieces for homeless folks, a unique little treat for us that night, I left. As I left, I saw my homeless buddy. Let’s call him Bob, as he made it clear from the get-go that he didn’t want folks to know about him taking me where he was about to take me. While he’s not on Facebook, I’d like to honor his request. Bob’s about a head shorter than me, maybe 50, white, and feisty. He had just gotten angry at the guys in charge of the shelter for not letting him in, threatening to get the whole PADS (Public Action to Dispense Shelter) program shut down. He had come in late after work with a spot reserved, but he had come in after drinking. He wasn’t clearly drunk to me, but they must have smelled alcohol on his breath or something. When he saw me leaving, his anger mostly dissipated, his face brightened up, and he asked me where I was going to go. When I said that I was going to probably sleep outside somewhere, he asked me to join him, saying that he had a lady friend that loved him and should let us stay with her and her kids. We went to a 7-11 immediately, passing another guy that looked passed out in the grass maybe 50 yards from the shelter and would probably remain in that spot all night. Bob got a beer and offered me whatever I’d like. He had money in his pocket. Like I said, he had a job. I filled the bottle I was carrying with tap water and was good to go. We went to a park and chilled a bit, passed by his beer stash, and went to another gas station where he showed me his truck in the back and where he called a cab. He wouldn’t let me pay for a thing, and I didn’t have much cash anyways. I might have had 5$, if that. If you’ve forgotten, the Lord told me to ditch my wallet and bag the second day I was homeless. We took the cab to the nearest train station, checked the train schedule, and went to a bar. He got a beer; I offered to buy him a 2$ cheeseburger on sale for the night that I could afford. He hadn’t had dinner yet. He said that he never bought food, as with public help etc., there was never any need. He didn’t want me to buy him the burger. We hopped on a train when the time came, Bob providing the tickets, hopped on another, and walked a few miles on the rocks by the train tracks with me towards our destination. It was late by now, maybe 10, 10:30. We got off the rocks along the tracks, and my buddy started hitch hiking as we walked. Of course, no one picked 2 white homeless guys up at 10:30 at night. It was fun to watch him try though!
During the night, and the next morning, Bob and I talked. The Lord appeared to be working in his heart without the need for me to talk much at all. Often times in my life, I’ve prayed that the Lord would speak through me. These days, I’ve begun to realize the futility that praying primarily for this can bring. Moses spoke the word of the Lord to Pharaoh, but Pharaoh’s heart was hardened. Even if I were the angel Gabriel himself, speaking to a man of God, a priest like Zachariah (Luke 1:8-20, especially 18-20) without the grace of God active in a man’s heart, words alone can mean absolutely nothing. While grace is offered to folks, including myself, all the time, I too seldom receive it. Bob asked me, “Do you think I can change?” “I know it,” I replied. With the aid of our God, any man can change, no matter the unreconciliation with family, no matter the addiction, no matter the pain received or inflicted, no matter the physical or spiritual chains that hold one from Life.
We were in a black neighborhood by now. Again, Bob’s white and about a head shorter than me. Also remember, however, that the Lord was with us, and in His presence, walking in His light as we follow His leading, we have nothing to fear, even in the shadow of death (Psalm 23). We knocked on a door to the lady he knew employed in prostitution, and she wasn’t home. The kids appeared to be there, but didn’t answer. It was probably a good policy for them in this neighborhood at this hour. We asked some folks around us where she might be, and went to her street corner. She wasn’t there, but another lady prostituting herself was. We'll call her Sarah. The man that appeared to be her pimp was around too. That night, I only saw one white guy, as he was putting his shirt back on as he crossed the street. I saw him as I was waiting outside the convenience store where Sarah was as Bob got a few more beers in the store, including 1 or 2 for Sarah. Bob told Sarah a bit about me, and Sarah asked me to pray for her. I was ushered into my own room with my own bed soon after entering the house. Bob and Sarah talked and smoked awhile before Bob went to sleep on the couch. Sarah was up all night. Because of this, I suspect she’s addicted to crack. It ravages those who fall prey to it. Sarah looked physically depleted. She was a little girl once; I wonder what she looked like then. Lord, You can save her. You can set her free from her chains. Please, pray for her.
During my 8 weeks being homeless in Chicagoland, the only bed that I slept in within a home was through the Lord’s provision through Sarah. While a number of folks offered to let me stay at their place, these are all folks that fall into at least one of two criteria that I established early on by the Lord's grace would not be homes that I stayed in. These categories are 1: those that know I went to Wheaton and know about Wheaton & 2: Friends I had prior to homelessness, or friends of friends (any connection whatsoever) prior to homelessness. Another un-churched man who cussed like a sailor and had alcohol running through his veins from vodka was the only other person who did not fit either criteria but said that I could stay at his place sometime, although we never happened to see each other again after he took me into his home one morning and let me shower, offered me food and clothes, etc. This has not been too surprising, as I’ve seen the same with Brian Millard, where the only 2 homes that we visited on our journeys who took in strays living there were poor un-churched folks exhibiting love, one in the projects and one in a trailer. I’ve heard of other Christians doing this, including former or current pastors John Gulley, John Henderson, and Dave Libby, but it’s rare to see. Among these three, I experienced the love that Dave Libby freely demonstrated in taking me into his home, already filled with 6 kids, freely for over a school year, without requirement of any form of compensation. When I asked for chores, he wouldn’t even give me any, saying that his kids needed to learn responsibility. He and the other two have taken in those who haven't been given nearly the grace that I have been given, including some among the homeless population. If Christian folks and otherwise without knowledge of me besides what they see in my life won’t take me in, how can other homeless folks, strung out on crack, kleptomaniacs, depressed, angry, extremely “needy”, requiring much time, etc. expect to have any hope for anything beyond token efforts to satisfy meager consciences? How can they have hope for abundant Life? If Christians don’t see them as souls, and we as receivers of a crazy amount of love and grace entirely undeservedly, how can we have abundant Life?
Many of the folks that I encountered while homeless, whether rich or poor, Christian or not, do not experience abundant Life. They might be able to talk about it in theory if Christian, but the trappings of this world and the love for this life (John 12:23-50) keep it from being an effectual reality. They do not experience abundant love from the only Source that can give it. I spoke to one homeless man at a shelter who I had seen reading his Bible a number of times, and when he spoke to me at length for the first time, he started quizzing me on biblical knowledge. After answering all of his little questions sufficiently, I inquired about his family. I did not do so aggressively, yet the unreconciliation that stripped him from Life made him leave the table and pitch the rest of his dinner, and made him downright antagonistic towards me the next time I made an attempt at sitting down with him. You should have seen his reaction the next time I sat down. A scene was made as he began threatening to call the police if I ever spoke to him again. I spoke to another man who volunteered once a month at PADS, and when I inquired about what the Lord was teaching him, he said that He was teaching him about how to be kinder to the less fortunate through PADS, which he had been volunteering for once a month for maybe 25 years. Upon further inquiry it became abundantly clear that He was receiving no Life giving words from the Lord, but wanted to have a little answer that sounded good, so gave me one. He was going through the motions of life, checking off his good deed, like so many souls desperate for more but who are even more desperate to hold onto the life that the prince of this world (John 12:31) can give. I spoke to folks who said that they studied the Word of God, but never wanted to study it with me when I asked, as they had done their study for the day. When it’s a check mark that fulfills an obligation, not Life giving, nor empowered by the Spirit, I wouldn’t want to study it any more than I need to either. Most of my life, I haven’t studied the Word dependant on Christ’s aid, and it’s been a dreary obligation for me as well. Still today, I struggle, as so often my pride tells me that I can study it on my own, as I seek knowledge instead of obedience, utilizing my relative stupidity to interpret meaning instead of relying on the divine omniscience of the Holy Spirit. My sin keeps me from a more abundant Life, as it does all men.
Sure there could be enough teaching on offering our homes to the homeless and enough examples where Christians might be far more likely than they currently are to do it, but the problems in the church that create this trend are much greater than this issue alone. While the fact that few Christians are willing to take in strays has many factors contributing to it, the lack of the love of Christ flowing through people is the primary issue, I truly believe. One countercultural factor within Agape love is that crazy biblical command, “but in humility consider others better than yourselves (Phillipians 2:3).” A directly contributing issue is that people’s relationship with the Lord is lacking, so hearing the voice of the Lord where you know that it’s the Lord and not just you is a largely intangible reality. Seldom is it a tangible reality for me, although it’s only been the last few years where it’s ever been tangible as the Lord’s called me to more time in replenishment through prayer, praise, the Word, etc. Another issue is that in order to satisfy Christians’ meager consciences, they can put up a front of the appearance of love via manufactured good works. In their minds and in the minds of others, they’re doing their duty. In a nation of materialism and demand for justice when we’ve all been given mercy, verses like “whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either,” in Luke 6:29 appear crazy as well. Among entitled feelings, entitlement to our work ethic is taken for granted too often, where we think that we deserve what we work for, forgetting our place of birth, intelligence, life circumstance that created our work ethic itself, etc. I could have been born a slave, in an Indian slum, with an IQ of 50, and been the laziest man on the planet. Instead we’re to look at Matthew 10:8, where it is our privilege to give freely after we’ve received freely. It’s by the grace of God alone that I’ve been tremendously blessed. As long as the Lord’s service is seen as a drain done out of obligation, and not as a privilege, love and free giving will be difficult to manufacture. The Lord could call rocks to serve Him, legions of angels, etc., yet he calls broken vessels, you and me! That’s a privilege! To serve Him for a moment, to pray with Him for a moment, to read His Word for a moment, are all a privilege we could never deserve! Doing such things are apart of abundant Life (John 10:10)! Being unable to dwell in His presence, nor serve Him, but be a slave to sin and futility instead is death (Romans 6-8, Ecclesiastes 2)! It is only by His grace in freedom from the chains of sin that we can drink deeply of the living water that only He can give (John 7:38-39, 1 Corinthians 15:10), when all the world around us seeks to drink primarily of iniquity and frivolity that don’t satisfy (Ecclesiastes 2).
Much of the love that I’ve demonstrated in life, and that I see abundantly clearly in the life of the Church, is not love. Instead, the idea of “love” is demonstrated through token efforts to satisfy meager consciences, rather than true sacrifice rooted out of a wellspring of Christ's love flowing through people. Lord, please humble us to be Your vessels, seeking to become less that You might become greater (John 3:30). The notions of love that we can manufacture on our own are simply inadequate (Psalm 127:1). Apart from our Lord, we can do nothing (John 15:15). Apart from Him, we are wicked (Romans 7). May we seek to know Jesus Christ and Him crucified (1 Corinthians 2:2), that visible picture of love on earth that has never been replicated nor will ever be. May we shy away from nothing You call us to, even death itself, remembering Jesus’ refusal to depart from the Lord’s will when confronted with death itself. In John 12, He said, “25The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me. 27"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. 28Father, glorify your name!" May we remember that the call of the Lord to follow Him is the call to Life (John 10:10)! It’s a privilege to be with Him for a moment, to serve Him for a moment, to be a little piece in the orchestration of His providence when all we deserve is a life of fleeting meaninglessness. The One that could call legions of angels to do His bidding (Matthew 26:53-54), or simply breathe His bidding into reality, calls broken vessels to serve Him, and it’s such a privilege! The call to love the One who loved us first is crazy! We could serve Him out of His crazy love for us, serve Him because we were born for it and will find no better fulfillment, serve Him as we recognize the privilege of doing so that we could never deserve, or serve Him for all kinds of other reasons, but looking to the cross and looking to His love is unbelievable! He doesn’t even call us to love Him and serve Him in our strength either, but in His!!!
The only time while homeless where I was ever invited to stay in a home by someone who wasn't connected with any of my friends prior to homelessness and who didn't know that I was a student at Wheaton College (I wouldn't have been "homeless" if I had not made provisions against going into homes where there were prior connections or a trust factor of Wheaton already built up. While I encountered many Christians in my time of homelessness who did not fall under these categories, it was a prostitute who took me in).
Led by my homeless friend to the prostitute's home
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