3 29: 10:40 PM
As I approached a shelter where I had never been, supposedly packed over capacity in a city more dangerous than where I had just come from, I sought strength from God, and found it. I knew that I was where God wanted me to be, and that’s the best place to be in life. I got there 20 minutes before curfew, entering into unknown territory. It was dark. The mats were full, and a number of people were sleeping in chairs with their heads on tables. After signing in, I brushed my teeth. The few encounters that I had while in the bathroom confirmed what people had said. While I was in the bathroom, a big black guy asked if a few things were owned by anyone in sight, and took a few after no one claimed them. It was a harsher climate; it was younger, more racially divided guys with a harder shell than I had seen while homeless in the county I had just come from. It seemed that everyone homeless there was on their guard. Some had a scared look as I greeted them, others a tough look. People were in survival mode here.
I began to stop trusting in God, thinking instead in my own survival mode. I thought back to my years of training in martial arts, jiu jitsu especially. As I urinated, I thought about what I might do if someone or a few people surprised me in the stall, as I had my back turned. Even as my thoughts wandered in this direction, God brought me back to Him by His grace. I still struggled with self dependency, but the Lord had grace on me to seek Him and draw me to trust Him amidst my fears.
I had heard that the city was rougher than the suburbs where I had been homeless for two weeks. I knew that God had prepared me through these two weeks for the new challenge of this city. I knew as well that my time in this harsher climate would help to prepare me for Chicago, which homeless people say is even worse. In the city, homeless are more cutthroat, more ready to steal, and more prone to violence towards other homeless.
I sat beside another white guy of maybe 55. He saw that I was new, and sought to advise me. He told me to try to be invisible while I was here; try to blend in. After inquiring about how I got here, he advised me to scrap the truth and make up stories so that I might stay here longer than three nights. This shelter, even with its problems, was better than the cold streets of the city. He told me that there are a lot of “sharks,” and that I should be wary. He told me to sit back and watch tomorrow, and try to be as observant as I could. He made motions as if cranking an old video camera.
He said,
“You’re the new bait with long hair, and the n#$%@rs will f$#%in prey on you. “
“Tomorrow, I’m not your friend.”
I made attempts at sleep in my chair, & just barely brushed up against him, at which he jolted up, began barraging me with insults, and left for another table and another seat, never to speak to me again.
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